Hi Everyone

Due to the number of emails I have been receiving I decided to provide a support service.

If you are stuck and need to speak with me urgently please email me @ silverboundary1@gmail.com

I have recently set up my own workshops too in the UK.

I charge £50 a week which includes 1 hour contact time over the week and a Yoga /Meditation and Activity plan to help you move forward.

This makes you accountable, stops you remaining stuck and motivates you to continue with your no-contact plan. It’s a fool proof method to break the vicious cycle once and for all.

Stay Strong

Ariel

 

 

 

Get to the core of the problem!

LIFE BEHIND THE MASK

This person helped me through my own personal journey in understanding myself and accepting who I really was. When I started this blog I always promised myself it would remain non-profit, but this author has given a lot of his own personal time to helping people, and therefore deserves the recognition.

Please check it out.

I am super busy living my wonderful life right now and also pleased to report there is a man on the scene but I will try my hardest to write some posts real soon.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my material, I send love and blessings to each one of you.

Stay strong

Ariel

Why a narcissist hoovers (contacts you out of the blue)

This is unlikely to happen unless he or she still has HOPE that you harbour feelings for them.   They are often blissfully deluded that you still hold those strong attachments and would welcome their attention back in an instant, no matter how many years has passed.

They remember you in that previous needy light and forget that you might be doing a lot of inner work in the meantime to heal yourself or externally socialising, potentially meeting someone else.

It’s uncanny this usually happens when you HAVE truly moved on and are at your peak happiness,  they will bite.

Why do they do it?  They want to feel loved.  Even though they were atrocious with you.  They want that attention and emotional security back,  the one they refused to give to you!

The problem is the narcissist is extremely immature and selfish,  like a screaming child throwing tantrums he has no sense of other people’s needs.    He lack the capacity to understand that other person and instead lashes out everytime he hears something he doesn’t like.   This is the primary reason he walks away in the first place,  he wants everything for himself and cares for no-one.   He only sees their flaws rather than understanding that the other person is allowed to have an emotional reaction.   This is what we mean by narcissists lacking empathy.

So firstly he doesn’t THINK you have truly moved on. Secondly he doesn’t WANT you to have moved on.   If he catches on that you have, he will want your attention again (which is why you shouldn’t fake this, because he’ll know,  and you MUST truly have a great life for yourself).  During this moment of weakness he feels desperate to salvage that feeling of being important again, especially when he isn’t receiving it from anyone else. That’s why he hoovers.

They screwed you over once,  don’t let them do it again.

Childhood Trauma

Apparently any events that take place in your life before the age of 7,  will shape the rest of your life.

If you’ve felt inferior in your childhood – you are highly likely to carry this feeling into adulthood regardless of your external appearance or accomplishments.  This can either by being told outright you weren’t good enough,  or by implication – maybe a certain look,  a conversation you overhead,  or watching someone else take the attention from your caregiver.

The most common trauma is that you’re not attractive enough,  or smart enough,  but a much worse complex is when you feel ashamed of who you are. There is a subtle difference.

Knowledge can be learned. Money can be earned. But if you can’t stand the person you are inside,  you will always look to material things or other people to show you your worth instead.

There are 2 problems with this. One is you can’t control how a person feels about you,  and the other is,  if you truly believe you are repulsive,  you will act that out subconsciously. This compounds the inferiority complex even further.

The truth is,  you are only who you believe you are.   If you can learn to be honest with yourself and work to change those beliefs.  You will attract a much healthier partner.

In any case,  recovery from childhood trauma is key in healing all wounds in your present day.   Take that step,  and live the life you were meant to.

Stay strong

Ariel