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I am super busy living my wonderful life right now and also pleased to report there is a man on the scene but I will try my hardest to write some posts real soon.
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This is unlikely to happen unless he or she still has HOPE that you harbour feelings for them. They are often blissfully deluded that you still hold those strong attachments and would welcome their attention back in an instant, no matter how many years has passed.
They remember you in that previous needy light and forget that you might be doing a lot of inner work in the meantime to heal yourself or externally socialising, potentially meeting someone else.
It’s uncanny this usually happens when you HAVE truly moved on and are at your peak happiness, they will bite.
Why do they do it? They want to feel loved. Even though they were atrocious with you. They want that attention and emotional security back, the one they refused to give to you!
The problem is the narcissist is extremely immature and selfish, like a screaming child throwing tantrums he has no sense of other people’s needs. He lack the capacity to understand that other person and instead lashes out everytime he hears something he doesn’t like. This is the primary reason he walks away in the first place, he wants everything for himself and cares for no-one. He only sees their flaws rather than understanding that the other person is allowed to have an emotional reaction. This is what we mean by narcissists lacking empathy.
So firstly he doesn’t THINK you have truly moved on. Secondly he doesn’t WANT you to have moved on. If he catches on that you have, he will want your attention again (which is why you shouldn’t fake this, because he’ll know, and you MUST truly have a great life for yourself). During this moment of weakness he feels desperate to salvage that feeling of being important again, especially when he isn’t receiving it from anyone else. That’s why he hoovers.
They screwed you over once, don’t let them do it again.
Apparently any events that take place in your life before the age of 7, will shape the rest of your life.
If you’ve felt inferior in your childhood – you are highly likely to carry this feeling into adulthood regardless of your external appearance or accomplishments. This can either by being told outright you weren’t good enough, or by implication – maybe a certain look, a conversation you overhead, or watching someone else take the attention from your caregiver.
The most common trauma is that you’re not attractive enough, or smart enough, but a much worse complex is when you feel ashamed of who you are. There is a subtle difference.
Knowledge can be learned. Money can be earned. But if you can’t stand the person you are inside, you will always look to material things or other people to show you your worth instead.
There are 2 problems with this. One is you can’t control how a person feels about you, and the other is, if you truly believe you are repulsive, you will act that out subconsciously. This compounds the inferiority complex even further.
The truth is, you are only who you believe you are. If you can learn to be honest with yourself and work to change those beliefs. You will attract a much healthier partner.
In any case, recovery from childhood trauma is key in healing all wounds in your present day. Take that step, and live the life you were meant to.
©July, 2008 by guest blogger Sonya Green of www.reinventingmyself.com
Throughout the ages, psychics and mystics have referred to psychic cords. You might imagine them as golden cords which connect people via the charka centres; kind of like a direct phone line connected to receiving stations within the physical body. Thoughts, feelings and images are sent and received via these cords. In a healthy relationship this can be seen as a system which bonds and supports. In an unhealthy relationship this bond can become a form of bondage – a controlling addiction.
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Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve posted anything but I’ve been enjoying an amazing life, hobbies, friends and dating….
I’ve had a lot of searches to this blog looking for explanations of why the narcissist is so cruel. So here is my humble opinion on the matter.
The narcissist is so lost in his own world of delusion, he doesn’t understand that he’s so …. well, odd.
When people fall in love they do so because of that desire for that other person and also from the Euphoria you feel from knowing how much that person wants you and cares for you.
With the narcissist, his only motivation is the latter. His need for having someone appreciate him is so strong, he doesn’t care, if he is with someone he particularly likes or not….as long as they worship him.
With his experience, he is all too aware that his pretend partner is being manipulated into becoming attached to him and that she doesn’t really know him or really care for who he really is.
This knocks his confidence, knowing the partner is falling for the facade, he tries to delude himself that he didn’t really need the relationship anyway and leaves before being rejected.
The problem is, the partner, even knowing the truth, still attached, honestly believes she can change / cure him and desperately wants him to know how much she cares. He does care for the attention, but he doesn’t care about her, watching her pander to his needs makes him feel even more frustrated. He is irritated that she is so pathetic for not seeing the real him and standing up for herself. Deep down he wants to be loved unconditionally, but the Narcissists can never have this. Their needs are insatiable. If you forgive him for standing him up, he wants you to forgive him for cheating. If you do, it’s not enough, he’ll then want you to forgive him for standing you up at the altar, then for leaving you when pregnant and ignoring you for years!
His nightmare never ends. The reason is his deeply bleak belief of how unworthy he is. His grand sense of entitlement is a personality he created to shield the pain from feeling unworthy.
The abuse he delivers is a by -product of that belief. He doesn’t value life, nnot even his own. He would rather crumble from his behaviour than face up to who he is deep down. It’s unbearable, for him, and for everyone.
He can only help himself, and only when all supply channels are blocked forcing him to live an authentic life instead of leaning on the next unsuspecting victim who equally wants to feel loved, but sadly believes in the real thing.