Why does he go mad when I’m upset?

This was a question I receive during a workshop I did last year.  And a very good one too.

Here’s how it works.  The narcissist is incredibly calculated and any emotions HE exhibits are to manipulate you into feeling a certain way, or taking certain action.  When he tells you he is upset or disappointed or hurt or whatever other bollocks he comes up, it’s usually a controlling tactic to get you do what you are told (i.e. don’t ask too many questions, don’t criticise, don’t stop revolving your life around him).

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So… when the narcissist sees you being upset he will be super upset for one of the following reasons:

1. He suspects you are now trying to manipulate HIM into changing (because he doesn’t understand people have genuine feelings of attachment and express their pain honestly)
2. He finds it inconvenient and doesn’t want to be forced to listen to your whining against his will.

The above should not surprise you when you understand Narcissists will often project their feelings onto their partners blaming them for everything they are; and the fact that they honestly don’t care how you feel.

You were only meant to provide them with a feel good status when it suited them, they never signed up (mentally) to being their for you; understanding you; and they definitely had no intention of compromising with you.

The truth will always set you free.

LEARN MORE

Stay Strong

Ariel

 

Are you SURE he didn’t care about me?

Hi All,

Here’s a question that I get asked a lot. The fact that you even have to ask this question is where the biggest clue lies.

Narcissism falls over a wide spectrum ranging from a ‘normal’ healthy person who is simply immature and has selfish tendencies, they may NOT be a true narcissist with a serious personality disorder. BUT if they are behaving in a selfish manner, even though they may care about you – it is not appropriate to be in a relationship that is ONE-SIDED. That said, he may have cared about you, but not enough. If the roles were reversed, and you were caring enough to be courteous, gentle, and understanding – you must demand the same standard back to yourself.

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On the other end of the spectrum is a person who is a REAL, DSM IV Cluster B individual with a diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder. This person will NEVER care about and all signs of caretaking were completely fabricated. Deep down only you will know the difference, but remember – whether he cared about you or not, if you are being mistreated in your relationship, and you are accepting this behaviour, there is only one way this is going to go.

Stay Strong

 

Ariel

UK BASED WORKSHOP

Hi All,

For anyone based in the UK I have started running support groups and workshops for anyone affected, and to give back with all the knowledge I gleaned through my own recovery.

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If you are interested, they are held in Manchester and London,  please check out the link below:

Facebook Event

Stay Strong

 

Ariel

Why am I hooked on him / her?

UK workshop

Hi All,

Here is a workshop that I decided to set up in the UK – if you are interested in face to face support, do check it out.

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https://www.facebook.com/events/1136879913078713/?ti=ia

Stay Strong

 

Ariel

Private Coaching

Hi Everyone

Due to the number of emails I have been receiving I decided to provide a private support service.

If you are stuck and need to speak with me urgently please email me @ deviworkout@gmail.com

I have recently set up my own workshops too in the UK.

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I charge £95 a week which includes 1 hour contact time over the week and a Yoga /Meditation and Activity plan to help you move forward.

If you can’t afford private coaching but still need assistance, I will aim to get back to you by email as soon as I can, and in the meantime please join the facebook page:

Narcissistic Personality

This makes you accountable, stops you remaining stuck and motivates you to continue with your no-contact plan. It’s a fool proof method to break the vicious cycle once and for all.

Stay Strong

Ariel

 

 

 

Listen Carefully

 

Get to the core of the problem!

 

LIFE BEHIND THE MASK

This person helped me through my own personal journey in understanding myself and accepting who I really was. When I started this blog I always promised myself it would remain non-profit, but this author has given a lot of his own personal time to helping people, and therefore deserves the recognition.

Please check it out.

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I am super busy living my wonderful life right now and also pleased to report I have moved onto a new relationship but I will try my hardest to write some posts real soon.

Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my material, I send love and blessings to each one of you.

Stay strong

Ariel

Too Right!

Why a narcissist hoovers (contacts you out of the blue)

This is unlikely to happen unless he or she still has HOPE that you harbour feelings for them.   They are often blissfully deluded that you still hold those strong attachments and would welcome their attention back in an instant, no matter how many years has passed.

They remember you in that previous needy light and forget that you might be doing a lot of inner work in the meantime to heal yourself or externally socialising, potentially meeting someone else.

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It’s uncanny this usually happens when you HAVE truly moved on and are at your peak happiness,  they will bite.

Why do they do it?  They want to feel loved.  Even though they were atrocious with you.  They want that attention and emotional security back,  the one they refused to give to you!

The problem is the narcissist is extremely immature and selfish,  like a screaming child throwing tantrums he has no sense of other people’s needs.    He lack the capacity to understand that other person and instead lashes out everytime he hears something he doesn’t like.   This is the primary reason he walks away in the first place,  he wants everything for himself and cares for no-one.   He only sees their flaws rather than understanding that the other person is allowed to have an emotional reaction.   This is what we mean by narcissists lacking empathy.

So firstly he doesn’t THINK you have truly moved on. Secondly he doesn’t WANT you to have moved on.   If he catches on that you have, he will want your attention again (which is why you shouldn’t fake this, because he’ll know,  and you MUST truly have a great life for yourself).  During this moment of weakness he feels desperate to salvage that feeling of being important again, especially when he isn’t receiving it from anyone else. That’s why he hoovers.

They screwed you over once,  don’t let them do it again.

Stay Strong

Ariel